Incarnate Read online

  “He feels that way about both of you,” Erin correctly firmly. “But that’s not the point. He loves you, and he’s not going to keep you from a reasonable social life.”

  When she saw that Mackenzie was still looking worried, Erin gave her an encouraging smile. “Really, pumpkin, he’ll be fine.”

  Mackenzie rolled her eyes at being address by the childish appellation, but her features relaxed and she leaned back against the wall.

  Anna made a face. “I’ve yet to be convinced.”

  “Of what aren’t you convinced?”

  Seth leaned against the doorframe, eyeing his youngest daughter with slightly arched eyebrows. He’d pulled his clothes together, reordered his hair, and cleaned up, so—although he still looked slightly rumpled—he wasn’t reeking of sex. Erin still noticed a bit of the post-sex look about him, but she doubted her daughters would be able to recognize it.

  Anna reddened slightly, at being caught talking about her father. But she replied gamely, “I’m not convinced Mac should cut off her hair.”

  It was a clever move. Seth’s attention jerked over toward Mackenzie. “What?”

  “I’m not cutting my hair. Anna’s just being dumb.”

  Seth let out a breath. He’d resisted every haircut Mackenzie had ever had. When, in seventh grade, Mackenzie had decided to get it cut just above her shoulders, Seth had sulked for a week.

  “So you have plans on Friday night?” Seth asked Mackenzie, returning to the issue at hand. His face appeared controlled and natural, only his eyes hinting at any deeper reaction.

  “Yes.” Mackenzie looked away, rolling her eyes just a little.

  “Who is he?”

  “A guy from school.”

  Seth pressed his lips together. “Do I at least get his name?”

  “Are you going to do a background check?” Mackenzie demanded.

  Erin had no doubts that her husband would do just that, but Seth gave his daughter a silent, stony look.

  Mackenzie stubbornly met his gaze for a minute. Then relented, “Justin Ames.”

  Erin held her breath as she watched Seth’s face. His brows drew together and she knew that particular expression. He was thinking—with his characteristic speed and precision. She just hoped he wouldn’t remember a random detail from a decade ago.

  With anyone else, Erin would have been certain they were safe. But with Seth…

  “Justin?” Seth repeated, his back stiffening and his eyes narrowing. “This isn’t that little brat who made fun of your hair and told you…” He cleared his throat. “And told you things he shouldn’t have told you in elementary school.”

  “Seth,” Erin began, stepping over to put a calming hand on his tense arm.

  Mackenzie cringed, her expression reflecting obvious guilt.

  “It is? That nasty little boy who used to tease you?” Seth was starting to look enraged again.

  “Dad!” Mackenzie insisted, sticking out her chin in a familiar way, “He’s not nasty. He was six years old back then.”

  Seth pinned Erin with an intense look. “Did you know about this? She’s going out with that little idiot she used to hate?”

  Erin made a face at her husband. “They’ve had many years to work out their difficulties in elementary school.”

  “Justin’s had the hots for Mac for years,” Anna chimed in with mischievous cheer. “He finally got balls enough to ask her out.”

  Seth immediately tensed up again.

  “Anna!” Mackenzie wailed. She put her hands over her face. “He doesn’t have the hots for me. He just asked me out.” She looked like she about to crack under the pressure of having her privacy disturbed so completely. “It’s not a big deal.”

  Obviously, they all knew it was a big deal to Mackenzie, but the need underlying her plea was clear to Erin. Mackenzie didn’t want this to become a huge issue—to be talked about, dissected, and analyzed from every angle.

  Erin couldn’t blame her. In most homes, a teenage girl’s date would be a typical, everyday event.

  But it was the first time it was happening to them.

  “She’s right,” Erin agreed, giving her husband a discreet elbow to the ribs. “It’s no big deal. Just a date. And it’s getting late.”

  He must have faced an internal struggle, but Seth followed her lead. “Right.”

  Anna frowned. “That’s it? I was hoping for at least a little screaming and maybe a few tears.”

  Erin couldn’t help but chuckle, although the jibe earned a snarl from Mackenzie. “Why don’t you go back to your room, Anna?”

  “Fine,” Anna grumbled, getting off the chair. She was wearing man-style, cotton pajamas in deep purple and a pair of fuzzy pink slippers. “What a letdown.”

  Anna had left the room and Erin had started to pull her husband away when Seth ducked his head back into the bedroom. He caught Mackenzie’s eye. “Do I get to meet this paragon of virtue and fortitude?”

  A wisp of a smile passed across Mackenzie’s mouth. “If you have to.”

  “I would like to meet anyone who intends to take out my daughter.”

  “Maybe right before we go out on Friday,” Mackenzie suggested.

  “She doesn’t want you to scare him off beforehand,” Anna called out from down the hall.

  “Friday evening will be fine,” Seth agreed, ignoring Anna’s amused commentary. He paused for a moment, just looking at his daughter. Something about his expression struck Erin as poignant. Then, “You like him?”

  After a brief flicker of reluctance, Mackenzie nodded. Admitted, “Yeah, Dad, I like him a lot.”

  Seth released a short breath. “All right. I’m sure he’s improved since the first grade.”

  As Erin closed the bedroom door behind them, she caught a glimpse of her daughter’s face. Mackenzie’s delicate features had softened into a relieved smile.

  Erin smiled too and snuggled up to Seth’s side as they walked back to their bedroom. She was about to say how pleased she was by his reaction to the entire event, when he interrupted her.

  “If the little bastard touches her,” he gritted through his teeth, “I’ll destroy him.”

  ***

  The mood in the Thomas household for the rest of the week progressed in a similar way—transitioning from light teasing to tense interrogation to sustained efforts to be casual and reasonable about the whole thing.

  Erin knew Seth was trying to be good, trying not to upset his daughter, and trying not to overreact. She also knew he was having a really hard time handling the helplessness he felt with this aspect of his children’s lives.

  So she was relieved when Friday evening finally arrived. Once this first landmark was passed, maybe things would return to an even keel.

  She dropped by Mackenzie’s room a half-hour before Justin was set to pick her up. Mackenzie was in the process of getting dressed, but she let Erin come in.

  “Do you think this is all right?” Mackenzie asked, looking at herself in a full-length mirror. She was wearing a flattering blue top and a casual skirt that revealed a lot of her long, bare legs.

  Erin hoped Seth wouldn’t freak out about the amount of leg exposed by Mackenzie’s outfit. “It’s perfect. You look beautiful.”

  Mackenzie didn’t look convinced. She kept staring at herself, fidgeting with her clothes. “Do you think I should wear a skirt? Maybe he’ll think I’m trying too hard.”

  “I think you should wear what you want. But that’s a good balance. It doesn’t look too dressy, but it will work with anything he might wear.”

  To Erin, Mackenzie looked perfect—lovely, well-dressed, and stylish. Exactly as Erin had always wanted to look in high school.

  “Okay. I’ll go with this then.” Mackenzie sat down to put on a bracelet, appearing completely composed.

  Erin knew she was still nervous, however. She just had Seth’s ability to hide her feelings.

  “How many times have you changed so far?” Anna asked from the doorway.

&nbs
p; Mackenzie scowled at her sister. “Fewer times than you do every morning, just to go to school.”

  Anna frowned at this and didn’t reply, and Erin wondered if her feelings had been hurt. It had been nothing more than typical sisterly give-and-take, but sometimes one of them would hit a nerve and wound the other.

  “Don’t be snippy,” Erin said, aiming her words at both of them.

  “Dad’s not going to like that skirt.” Anna’s earlier expression had disappeared, and she was grinning now.

  Mackenzie’s brows drew together, tugging on the hem of her skirt. “It’s not that short.”

  “It’s fine,” Erin assured her. “Your outfit is perfect. If your dad says anything, it’s just because he has a hard time seeing you look so grown up.”

  “I’m sixteen,” Mackenzie muttered.

  “I know. He knows that too. But you’re still his little girl.” Erin stroked her daughter’s long hair. “You’ll have to give him time to adjust.”

  When Erin looked back at the door, Anna had disappeared. Her unexpected departure caused a prickle of worry, but Erin didn’t have time to dwell on it.

  Mackenzie’s big blue eyes slanted her an almost teasing look. “So you're not having to adjust?”

  The question caught Erin by surprise. “Don’t get me started. I’m doing my best to act laidback about the whole thing, and I really am excited for you. But still…” She smiled wistfully, remembering Mackenzie as an infant, holding onto Seth’s finger. Mackenzie as a toddler, throwing her Cheerios on the floor in stubborn resistance to Seth’s authority. Mackenzie as a little girl, holding her sister by the hand.

  “Oh, God,” Mackenzie groaned, “You aren’t getting sentimental on me, are you?”

  Erin blinked and swallowed. “Certainly not.” She managed not to sniff.

  “It’s just a date.”

  “I know. It just means there's more of this sort of thing to come.” The comment gave her an uncomfortable thought—a small, insistent, uncomfortable thought that Erin would rather ignore. But she wasn't in the habit of avoiding things just because they were hard. So she cleared her throat and asked, “So you’re all right about everything? About the date, I mean. Anything you want to—”

  She broke off, feeling a wave of embarrassment and self-consciousness. She was acting exactly like every other parent she’d always considered clueless and awkward.

  Mackenzie actually chuckled. “I’m not going to have sex, Mom.”

  Despite her attempts to be mature and reasonable, Erin blew out a long breath of relief. Then said immediately, “You know, you never have to lie about that to me—”

  “Mom, I’m not lying to you. I assume I’ll have sex later.” When Erin stiffened, Mackenzie clarified, “Not later tonight. Later on.” She gestured with one graceful hand to convey some unspecified time in the future. “But I’m not going to have sex now.”

  Erin relaxed again, mentally berating herself for acting so ridiculous about all of this. “Good. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I’m glad to hear that. I know girls your age and younger have sex all the time, though. And I’d rather you be honest with me when you make the decision so you won’t end up in a difficult situation on your own.” She sighed. “You know I had sex really early.”

  “I know.”

  “And I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about it, so I was all alone with it. It was hard.”

  “I know.”

  “I wish I had waited longer.”

  “I know.” Mackenzie reached out and touched Erin’s forearm. It was only the faintest of touches, but it was a lot for someone as contained as Mackenzie.

  “And, even if you’re careful, birth control isn’t a hundred percent effective. Just remember how you were conceived.”

  “Mom,” Mackenzie broke in. “Please don’t remind me of that story again. Hearing it once was enough for a lifetime. We’ve talked about all of this before. This is my very first real date. I’m not going to jump into bed with him.”

  Erin leaned over and gave the girl a brief hug. “How did you get so smart?”

  Mackenzie grumbled incoherently, which was a clear sign that the serious discussion had gone on long enough. So Erin got up.

  “You look beautiful,” Erin told her again, not quite able to let her go yet.

  “Thanks.” Mackenzie stood up and studied herself in the mirror again. “Can you…can you make sure Dad knows. That. I mean, if you can…I don’t want him to sit there worrying that I’m…”

  “I’ll make sure he knows.” Erin was oddly touched and felt a lump of emotion in her throat. “He’ll still worry. But it will help.”

  She gave her daughter one last look. She was so lovely, so grown-up. Her baby. “I hope you have a wonderful time tonight.”

  “Thanks. Unfortunately, first I have to get through poor Justin’s interview with Dad.”

  ***

  Erin headed off to find Seth so she could give him a few reminders on how to behave with Justin. But, as she was passing Anna’s room, an instinct compelled her to knock on the closed door.

  When a muffled response signaled she was allowed to enter, Erin went in and found her younger daughter flopped on her stomach on the bed.

  “Is everything all right?”

  Anna just grunted. Her head was turned toward the wall, so Erin couldn’t see it.

  Erin sat on the edge of the bed. “Anna, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  From the stiff look of Anna’s back and the hoarseness of her voice, Erin knew the answer was a lie. She reached out to stroke the tousled blond hair but Anna jerked away from the touch.

  The prickly response was so unusual for Anna that Erin was immediately worried. But she didn’t press any further. She just sat silently and waited.

  Unlike Mackenzie, Anna would always open up to her eventually.

  Finally, Anna flipped over onto her back. She stared blankly at the ceiling, and her pretty features was twisted with a frown. But she hadn’t been crying, as Erin had suspected.

  “Do you think I’m pretty?” Anna asked without prelude.

  Erin’s mouth fell open. “What? Of course you’re pretty! Why would you ask such a thing?”

  Anna frowned more deeply—this time aimed at her mother. “Why shouldn’t I ask it?”

  The faint flickers of worry Erin had processed over the last week coalesced into sudden understanding. “Does this have to do with Mackenzie going on a date?”

  “No! Why does everything have to be about Mac?”

  “It doesn’t. But you’ve never seemed to be insecure about your appearance before. So I was just wondering—”

  “No one ever wants to go out with me.” The words seemed to be forced out of Anna involuntarily.

  Erin swallowed. She wanted to put an arm around her daughter but resisted the temptation, knowing Anna would just pull away. “She’s older than you—”

  Anna snorted in disgust. “What does that have to do with anything? I’m old enough to date. The only reason Mac didn’t go out before was because half the guys were scared of her and she turned all the others down flat. Everyone thinks she's gorgeous. They always have.”

  “She is very pretty,” Erin said carefully. “But you’re very pretty too.”

  Anna was pretty. Just as pretty as Mackenzie in her own way. She looked a lot like Erin, except she had Seth’s nose and eye-color—which, in Erin’s mind, only made her even prettier.

  Anna just sneered. “Then why do guys not like me?”

  “They do! You hang out with guys all the time.”

  “They like me as a friend.” Anna said the last word like a curse. “They don’t really like me.”

  The pang in her chest was so sharp it made Erin gasp. She knew exactly what Anna meant, exactly how she felt.

  She’d felt the same way all through high school.

  “Well, it’s not because you’re not pretty,” Erin declared, trying to search her memory of those long-past
feelings to land on the right thing to say. “And they might like you but you just don’t know it.”

  “They don’t.”

  Erin was silent for a long time, aching as much as if she were feeling it herself. Finally, she said, “You look like me.”

  Anna turned her head to look up at her. “Mom—”

  “You do,” Erin said matter-of-factly. “And, to tell you the truth, I had a similar experience in high school.”

  “No one liked you either?”

  “Oh, they liked me. But not the way I wanted them to. And the only ones who were interested in me were…losers.”

  “So I’m doomed.”

  The words were so sincerely melodramatic that, despite her sympathy, Erin had to hide a snicker. “Not forever. What I finally figured out is that some women aren’t appreciated in high school. It doesn’t have anything to do with not being attractive. It has something to do with the guys being too immature to recognize it or act on it.”

  Anna was frowning again, but this time thoughtfully. “It’s a nice idea, but I’m not buying it.”

  “Do you think I’m ugly?”

  “Mom!” Anna groaned in exasperation.

  “I know it’s not a fair question but try to take it seriously.” Erin was thinking as quickly as she could, hoping she was using the right strategy. So often, raising teenagers was like walking between landmines. “I know I’m your mother so it’s hard to be objective. But do you think I’m attractive at all?”

  “Of course you are,” Anna muttered, “but—”

  “It’s not the same. I know that.” Erin sighed. To her own surprise, she was inexplicably pleased that Anna thought she was attractive. “But, assuming I’m somewhat attractive and I was even better looking when I wasn't so ancient, why do you suppose I didn’t have a real boyfriend all through high school?”

  Anna didn’t have an answer to that. “I don’t know.”

  “I didn’t know either. And it drove me crazy that I wasn’t the girl who all the guys were always drooling over. But things only got better after high school.”

  “So you’re saying I have to wait until after high school until someone will be interested in me?” Anna was scowling, as if the thought annoyed her.